Coup de tat

I realized that I have been very disappointed with myself.  I have failed in so many areas of my life, mostly I have failed myself.  I should have done better.  I should do better.  I watch TV instead of dealing with the junk mail.  I read the news instead of mopping the kitchen floor.  These aren't even the serious failings.  These are just little daily life things. Even these point out my failings.  I know they are wrong, yet I persist.  After all I know right from wrong.  Oh, Eve, dear, how I wish you had not picked that tree.  "You will be like God, knowing good and evil." Genesis 3:5. How quickly I become my own god; judging my god performance.  Do I measure up good or evil?

"I am the Vine; you are the branches." John 15:5  I have never in all my life seen a branch beat itself up.  I have never seen a branch run around in a hurry, worried about whether it was doing a good job or not.  I have never seen a branch take charge of the situation because the vine was _____ (insert: silent, slow, needing help, or any other excuse for a coup de tat.) I've, in fact, never seen a branch care.  It simply did what the vine told it to do.  It produced the fruit of the vine, not the fruit of the branch.
I'm so tired of my pride that says I'm a god and therefore must perform in a god-like fashion.  I'm so tired of looking at myself.  Jesus sits next to me saying, "My yoke is easy and My burden is light." Matthew 11:3 "If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing." John 15:5.


Lord help me to let go of my own judgement of myself.  Help to get my eyes off of myself and on to You.  I want Your yoke, not my own.  I want to be in You and not be in myself.  I want to rest in the Vine, bearing the fruit of the Vine.  Forgive me for getting caught up in myself instead of You.  This is impossible for me to do, but with God all things are possible.  So I appeal to the Author and Perfecter of my faith, to my Redeemer, to my Savior,  the One and only true God, the Lover of my soul; enable me to be the branch that remains in You.  In the precious Name of Jesus. Amen.